Today was the first of my oral exams, and I have to say that there is something strangely anti-climactical about that emotional roller coaster of nervousness, performance anxiety, self-doubt and stress finally coming to a halt. It’s a relief, but my body is still in that mode where I feel like I am waiting for something, waiting to perform, waiting for that final verdict – despite of it being over. I guess the truth is that with this kind of pressure, just like the stress builds up slowly, it takes a while for the stress to wean from your body.
It went really well, my exam, really well. I am always so surprised that even though I have been a nervous wrack, I still manage to put on this act once I step through the door to the examination room that signals that I totally no question no doubt know my shit. That’s what I have been told. The truth is that I feel terrified, insecure, and am confident that they are going to see through me any second now. Luckily, I am not as transparent as I think, with my sweaty palms and overly-eager hand gestures.
My next exam is next week, so I have some time to cool down. Wednesday is my birthday, which is surreal. Twenty-three. Well, shit. That’s a lot of years. Two decades and then some. Hard to believe I failed my math-midterm, huh?