I had my first study-date today, and we got so much work done, I can’t even believe it. In fact, I am going to go all out and say that the success of this experience has given me a whole new view on group work. I used to consider myself to be somewhat of a lone rideress when it comes to school and studying, you know, any additions to that place in my head where I keep all my smarts, but MAYBE, maybe this whole pairing up thing is not such a bad idea after all. Maybe I have just had some unfortunate experiences in the past with people, where we haven’t managed to bring out the best in each other. With my previous partner in school, I felt like we were holding each other down. We didn’t have good chemistry, and I felt that we honestly did not like each other. No matter what I said, even if it was during recess and we were talking about something not school-related, he would make it sound like there was something wrong with me. So, the fact that I viewed him as being contemptuous and arrogant, combined with the fact that he viewed me as being whatever he viewed me as being, made it impossible for us to grow together. Gee, I am so proud that I managed to write about the fucker without actually calling him a fucker.

So, yay team-work, yay. I’m gonna go like it on Facebook now.

AND, My Dear Friends, Christmas is before us! Which is something the radio made very clear by playing five different versions of “Rockin’ Around The Christmas Tree” in a row. Are they trying to tell us something? It’s like, just in case you forgot you still have 24 presents left to buy, this is our subtle way of reminding you. Speaking of gifts, I have almost all of them down now. I only need two or three people, and that’s it. That’s a major weight off my shoulders thing. I love giving presents – it just hurts my wallet a little bit.

And on that note, I will leave you with a little song:

Well, the weather outside is delightful
But my account? It’s veeery frightful
What happened to all my dough?
I don’t know I don’t know I don’t know

Yesterday was the day of the oral exam that I have been dreading the very most: HISTORY.

It was a 24-hour preparation exam, which meant that we had 24 hours to read up on the historical period and material we were assigned to — (our teacher put a bunch of letter tiles from Scrabble in a little bag, and then we each drew a tile from the bag, and the letter on the tile was assigned to a particular historical period and each period came with some relevant historical sources and material that we had to analyze. Is it possible for a method that is meant to ensure that it is all completely fair and random to be completely idiotic and yet strangely logical at the same time?) — and while it’s nice to have 24 hours to prepare/read up/study + write a synopsis, it’s also a really nice and easy way to give yourself an ulcer. Holy shit, it’s stressful.

Anyway, I drew the tile with an ‘I’ on it, which, for some reason, was assigned to the Renaissance. And… I FUCKING LOVE THE RENAISSANCE. I have loved the Renaissance ever since I first learned about The Renaissance. The Renaissance and I are wicked tight, yo. So, needless to say, I was pretty ecstatic. HOWEVER. Guess who managed to get sick during those 24 hours? C’EST MOI! (I think this entry has a French theme). Also, as a bonus, I was completely sleep deprived from the night before, because I had been so afraid of drawing the Roman Empire or something, so, needless to say, I really wasn’t feeling my very best. I worked on my synopsis from 1pm to 1am, and then again from 9am to 11am the next day. My throat was killing me, my eyes were completely squary from reading so much while also spending a ridiculous amount of time looking at the computer, and to make matters worse, I had just gotten my rag. Sorry, if that is too graphic for you, but I am having a hard time setting for myself boundaries right now.

I didn’t think I was going to fail, but I was completely sure that I wasn’t going to do well; not with all the stuff I had working against me, like my throat and my uterus. Even when I was in the exam room, I just felt shitty and unprepared and like I couldn’t articulate myself correctly at all.

BUT. BUT, BUT, BUT, BUT.

GUYS.

I GOT AN A.

HOLY EFFING SHIT.

I can’t recall the last time I have felt that happy and pleased with myself. I had never expected to get an A in History, EVER. I have the worst memory, and before I started at this school I had like no historical perspective what so ever. LOOK AT ME NOW. I kept thanking the teachers, and they in return said, “No, you should thank yourself, it was very well deserved”, and I was like, “I CAN’T BELIEVE IT, I JUST CANT.BELIEVE.IT”. I have a feeling I made a fool of myself, but oh well, I got an A, I got an A, I GOT AN A. Can you tell that I am excited? Life is sure beautiful when you get an A in oral History.

Today was the first of my oral exams, and I have to say that there is something strangely anti-climactical about that emotional roller coaster of nervousness, performance anxiety, self-doubt and stress finally coming to a halt. It’s a relief, but my body is still in that mode where I feel like I am waiting for something, waiting to perform, waiting for that final verdict – despite of it being over. I guess the truth is that with this kind of pressure, just like the stress builds up slowly, it takes a while for the stress to wean from your body.

It went really well, my exam, really well. I am always so surprised that even though I have been a nervous wrack, I still manage to put on this act once I step through the door to the examination room that signals that I totally no question no doubt know my shit. That’s what I have been told. The truth is that I feel terrified, insecure, and am confident that they are going to see through me any second now. Luckily, I am not as transparent as I think, with my sweaty palms and overly-eager hand gestures.

My next exam is next week, so I have some time to cool down. Wednesday is my birthday,  which is surreal. Twenty-three. Well, shit. That’s a lot of  years. Two decades and then some. Hard to believe I failed my math-midterm, huh?

My written English exam is tomorrow, and as you can see, I have decided to make life sweet for myself, as a sort of reward for good behavior. I can’t give you any specific examples, but I feel like I have behaved good lately. I mean… I have cleaned out my closet, tried to get a lot of exercise, moved all the stuff that was lying on the floor in my bedroom, and kept my colors colorful and summery for like two weeks now. I don’t know, in these privileged days, doesn’t that count as good behavior? It’s been hard.

Earlier, I googled “exam good food” or something of that nature to see if there were any recommendations regarding food that can help you stay motivated/focused/alive during an exam, because I always bring the most boring, demotivating, depressing food. Why? Because I am a sado-masochist, who is always on a diet. And because sometimes I forget. Well. I found a few academic forums, where people recommended the most AWFUL things. No offense to the people making the recommendations, but I am not going to be THAT person. The person, who, in a situation where everybody is stressed to the maximum, is sitting there chewing on carrot sticks, apples and nuts. I am also not going to bring smelly fish sandwiches or something equally noticeable to the nose in a packed room on a hot summer day. Everybody hates that person, and gives them stink-eye, as do I. Although, now we know where they got the idea that it was okay to be that person.

So. I chose to blatantly ignore all the suggestions that I knew would make me wildly unpopular, and instead took matters into my own dirty little hands, which means that I came home with sour liquorish, gummy-bats (the body is made of liquorish and the wings are made of winegums – PERFECTION), and chocolate. To ensure myself from getting a sugar-shock, I am also bringing a sandwich. I figure a sandwich will serve as a good foundation for all the delicious that will be coming.

I have two more written exams coming up, so if any of you have any suggestions about food items to bring, please don’t hold back. No matter what, it will be greatly appreciated. Just please don’t tell me to eat a carrot.